College Committed to Net-Zero Free Snacks on Mission Day by 2030

The Deputy Principal of the College has announced the school’s firm commitment to achieving net-zero free snacks on Mission Day by 2030. Student uproar was immediate and immense. The proposal would appear to bring an end to the long-standing tradition of students hoping to receive something to eat while participating in a day centred on charity and community action.

As has happened after several of the Deputy Principal’s more controversial decisions, an old SoundCloud song has also resurfaced. The recording features him yelling at the Class of ’22, asking, “What the ** were you thinking?!” It is commonly associated with a particularly eventful Muck Up Day, during which three sheep bearing the numbers 1, 2 and 4 were released onto the College grounds, eggs were thrown in considerable quantities, and one student accidentally cut themself and ended up taking an ambulance trip.

We cannot provide a link to the song. The school’s lawyers have promised that the entire Mentone Manspreaders team will be swiftly kidnapped and deposited in Guantánamo Bay should we do so. If you are genuinely determined to find it, we hear that asking a Year 11 or Year 12 student may be fruitful. But you did not hear that from us.

A steadily shrinking snack experience

Setting the soundtrack aside, the announcement follows years of complaints about declining food standards on Mission Day. Students have pointed to lower-quality food and drinks, as well as the removal of gluten-free and other dietary options in some years. Against that backdrop, the promise to reach net-zero free snacks has not been received as an especially inspiring new chapter in the event’s history.

The day’s other attractions have also come under scrutiny. Carnival rides remain part of the programme, although one student interviewed by Manspreaders offered a blunt assessment of their appeal:

“Only Year 7s and 8s go on them.”

— A student commenting on the Mission Day carnival rides.

For older students, then, the draw of the day may increasingly depend on the food, the fundraising, and the opportunity to spend time away from normal classes. With the first of those reportedly on a downward trajectory and the second subject to its own questions, some students are asking what exactly they are being encouraged to look forward to.

Charity, priorities and the optics of a mission

The fundraising that takes place in the lead-up to Mission Day has also attracted criticism following a recent visit by a Catholic priest who was based in an poor African nation. The priest reportedly said “I like the greens and my Gucci too.” The priest proceeded to show the cohort of amazed Year 11’s a rap video featuring a cameo from the Father.

The criticism is not that charitable work should stop, but that the way it is presented matters. When students are asked to raise money for people facing hardship, they may reasonably expect transparency, humility and a clear account of how the effort is helping. Reports that appear to show a gap between the lives being described and the comforts enjoyed by those describing them risk distracting from the cause itself.

What is the point of Mission Day?

Mission Day is intended to bring the College community together around charity and service. Yet between increasingly underwhelming food options, carnival rides that some students dismiss as being mainly for younger year levels, and questions about the presentation of fundraising efforts, the event’s purpose is becoming a subject of debate in its own right.

A plan to eliminate free snacks by 2030 may be easy to describe as a sustainability target, but students appear unconvinced that this is the kind of net-zero goal they were hoping to hear about. If Mission Day is to retain its goodwill, some argue, the College may need to pay as much attention to the experience it offers students as to the message it asks them to support.